I grew up a devoted Catholic, by devoted, I mean that my dad was devoted to raising us Catholic. I was baptized, confirmed and went to Catholic church almost every Sunday, most weekends we would have to go a half hour early, my brothers and I would sit quietly in the oak pews and for the next 30 minutes we would watch my dad usher in all of the fellow Sunday church goers.
As I grew older I felt myself gravitating to a deeper level, a more spiritual level. As time has gone on, and experiences have been gained, hardships overcome; I more importantly have become a true and devoted BELIEVER in God and in all things I believe he stands for. Throughout the years of grieving about my heart disease, losing my dad, Mike 8 years ago, and trying to come to terms with a never ending fear of my own death, the biggest thing that I have taken with me into my adulthood from my childhood is that I have always, always believed that things happen for a reason and most importantly I continue to believe his hands and our angels play a big part in our lives. Not only in the big moments: not only on our wedding days, or on the day our children are born, but also in the little moments, the conversations that seem so small, and the people you meet throughout your journey in life. I believe he’s instrumental in every single one of those detail. In life and in death.
I have dreamed of becoming a mother ever since I was little. From the time I played ‘house’ and would stroll my blonde haired blue-eyed Cabbage Patch doll up and down my neighborhood street. But just like getting married seemed to be a far-fetched dream for me; up until the last few years, me becoming a mother seemed like an even farther fetched dream.
However far-fatched of dreams I have had or as confusing and hard to navigate to the dreams with what has seemed to be endless obstacles; I trust with everything I am, that God always has a plan and that he truly, truly works in mysterious ways.
Such amazing and mysterious ways that this is the story about how God and my Guardian Angel Dad had a hand in finding us our surrogate, the woman who will continue to carry our sweet Baby J for the next 5 months for us.
Last winter after a successful IVF retrieval, my husband and I decided that we would begin to try to find a person to carry our baby, we wanted to find a gestational surrogate. In other words, we were beginning the mission to find a woman that would be our baby baking oven, baking our Baby J, Baby J who is all of our DNA. While there’s options to use surrogacy agencies we decided that this would be our ‘last resort’. We wanted to try to find someone who was close by to us (a 6 hour drive to see a surrogate seemed much too far) and much too hard on my already anxiety filled heart. We knew we wouldn’t be picky, I like to think we had simple requirements; but mostly we just prayed we wouldn’t end up with someone that we would end up on a Lifetime Original movie with. We wanted someone who loved our baby enough to carry it for 9 months but didn’t want a baby enough, that she’d try to run out of the hospital with ours. A Simple request. So we made a video with the help of my mom and we decided that we were going to post it after the new year in the hopes that it might help us find a surrogate. In the video we shared a little bit about our love story and details about my heart condition and why I wasn’t fit to carry my own.
That same winter, Over Christmas break I went to breakfast with one of my best friends. “So I think we’re going to start looking for a surrogate. Hopefully we can find someone who’s not too cray’”, I continued. “But it’s just so weird because I don’t know anyone that’s ever been a surrogate or has even used one!” “I have no idea how to go about one, but we made this video so I think we’re going to post it soon”…
We didn’t end up having to use that surrogate search video.
2 days later I got the text that would change our lives, “Hey I think we found you a surrogate!”
“Her name’s Beth, my fiancé works with her,” she continued. A million questions ran through my mind: how? What did he say to her? How did he find her? “I guess she was talking about how she liked being pregnant, but definitely doesn’t want anymore kids,” “She just said she had to talk to her husband Mike about it.” She continued.
I read everything over and over. Ecstatic I ran to my mom in the other room and read the texts to her at lightning speed! “She seems like she’d be awesome!” I said to my mom, “she just has to talk to her husband Mike!!”
My mom seemed to be processing the information in way more detail and faster than I was.
“Wait? What did you say her name was?” “Beth!” I exclaimed! “Haha, that’s funny she said, Mike & Beth!”
I stared at her and back at my phone in tears, our surrogate Beth and her husband Mike, my parent’s same names; Beth & Mike. I smiled to myself, my Dad in heaven, he must really be doing something up there.
Once we became pregnant we surprised all of my family the day after Ryan and I found out (technically we were only a few weeks along, but hey! We were excited!) we told my grandma, my brothers and my mom. Unbeknown to me we happened to tell my mom on the same day that her and my dad married 3 decades ago.
When I told our surrogate Beth this, still amazed at the timing of it all; her response was this:
“oh my, that is sooo cool! It’s kinda like you got to tell both of your parents together!”
And it was, it has been an undescribable feeling to know that we were able to tell both my parents one in Heaven and one on Earth both at the same time.
I’m sure there’s some that might say that this is all just a coincidence. But to those I say this: God has more plans with us in life and in death than we may ever, ever be able to understand. While there is a chance it could all just be a coincidence, down to every last detail, I believe that there’s an even greater chance that my Angel Dad and God have had their hands in guiding us and are forever with us and our sweet, sweet Baby J…